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This blog has been moved to my website.

All past, present and future posts

can be viewed on www.barefootfool.com

under the heading tarot journal.

Please visit!

Jessica Rose Shanahan

Fante di Denari — Il Tarocco Bizarro

Artist: Franco Bruna

"It is practically impossible to use Tarots in order to know what the future holds before-hand. If this was not so, this crazy, mad world would be even more insane and frightening than it already is. Maybe this is the reason why the journey into the Tarots begins with The Fool... At the end of this journey it will be easy to use Tarots to better understand the reality that surrounds us and to see what could have been clear, but, clearly, [was] not..."
[In other words, it is easier to read the past than to read the future. Still, we refuse to learn.]

*   *   *

A student with new and brilliant ideas needs guidance.

Act on those grand ideas, but keep your feet firmly planted on the ground.

The page of coins asks us to grow in a way that generates wealth for the future. It indicates the energy to begin the process of bringing dreams into reality. This card encourages us to begin actions that will ultimately lead to the achievement of goals. Be clear on what skills and resources are required in order to get closer to the goal. Putting theory into practice will lead to finding a solution that actually works.

The page of coins has the desire to learn all things. Instead of getting carried away with more ideas, remain focused on the practical elements of what is realistic and achievable: remain focused on tangible outcomes and results.

Der Worte sind genug gewechselt,
lasst mich auch endlich Taten sehn!
Enough words have been exchanged;
now at last let me see some deeds!

(Goethe, Faust I)

Shall I ever pass the page of coins

and move beyond the prologue in the theater?

My kings! My kings! I need to draw my kings! 

www.barefootfool.com 

Page ~ Princess of Wands — The Renaissance Tarot

[I forgot to ask a question again.]

Illustrator: Helen Jones
Author: Jane Lyle

Interpretation: "Ability. Creative beginnings. // ...an upsurge of the pace in everyday life. Original ideas, intuitive guidance, a desire to make new friends — all these may spring from inside ourselves. Outer events mirror this energy; there is often an increase in conversations, letters, invitations, short trips and social events."

How about: I would like an increase in conversations (with friends), letters (from friends), invitations (to visit friends), short trips (with friends) and social events (at my house).

Is grocery shopping or a trip to the doctor's a short trip? Is traveling to Quebec or Syracuse for the weekend or week a short trip or a long trip? Perhaps the length of the trip is determined by how long the trip feels. "Short trip" is supposed to seem positive whereas "errand" generally seems negative.

Maybe "short trip" means "brief psychedelic experience." From the on-line urban dictionary: "An adjective meaning cool, freaky, groovy, amazing, or all of the above, depending on the context in which it's used. ...the root word, "trip," refers to soft psychedelic trips and has been in use since the 60's."

When I wanted Martin to consider home birth, I didn't try too hard to be convincing. I handed him my only book on birth— Ina May Gaskin's book Spiritual Midwifery— where the natural birthing experience, as described by the husband, is always trippy, other-worldly, and extremely spiritual. After he'd read a bit, he said, "I'd like to experience that kind of energy." I was happy.

The short trip of birth (as opposed to the long trip of raising a child) will indeed herald new beginnings, an upsurge in the pace of life, and the need to come up with original ideas to solve every-day problems. It will necessitate following my intuition. I hope to make new friends who can help me with these things.

I could, perhaps, have picked another aspect of my life to relate this card to. I've used pregnancy a number of times. However, that's what gets my attention right now. Louann Brizendine, MD, director of the Women's Mood and Hormone Clinic at the University of California, San Francisco explains pregnancy brain, in part, like this: "There are 15 to 40 times more progesterone and estrogen marinating the brain during pregnancy, and these hormones affect all kinds of neurons in the brain." And, "You only have so many shelves in your brain so the top three are filled with baby stuff." Good enough for me.

Want to see the deck of cards I'm working on?

visit www.barefootfool.com

The Faeries' Oracle — 41. Ilbe the Retriever

Artist: Brian Froud
Author: Jessica MacBeth

"Office of Unclaimed Property, Hopes, and Wishes. Loyalty."

Oracle decks are different from tarot decks in a number of manners. There is no predetermined pattern to the deck. There is no history of the cards. The cards are not used for games. Often, there are no "dark" images as there are in the tarot deck (i.e.: the devil, the tower, death, 10 of swords, 3 of swords, 4 of coins, etc.)

Oracle decks are similar to a 'book with all answers,' where opening a page answers your preset question. In this case, drawing a card tells you which page to open to.

Oracle decks often begin with the author's passionate belief in one particular area. Some decks, as this one, marry existing imagery to suitable meanings. In general, these cards spring from a desire to tap into the spiritual world to find "insight, wisdom, and joy," as is the purpose of this particular deck.

The author says, Don't read someone else's definitions of the cards until you already have some idea of what they mean to you. This is good advice for any work of art, literature, poetry, graffiti, kitsch, tarot card, or ancient spiritual text. Don't let someone tell you what it means. Figure it out yourself, then listen to others' opinions. You will gain no insight if you do not allow your inner eye to open. You will gain no wisdom if you always only listen to the words of others— perhaps knowledge, but not wisdom. And joy? What truly gives you joy?

Jessica MacBeth gives good instructions on how to get to know a card. In part, she asks a series of questions. She adds clarifying questions to help you think; I give no such help here. I summarize:
1) What is the emotional atmosphere of the card?
2) What might the physical manifestation of this card's symbols be in someone's life? What aspect of life does this card symbolize to you?
3) What do you see in the card's symbols that might represent the card's mental characteristics?
4) What are the spiritual characteristics of the card's symbols?
5) What do you find most appealing or comforting about this card?
6) What do you find most unappealing or uncomfortable about this card?
7) What other ideas or impressions do you have of this card?
And she says: if you fail to answer any of these questions, take a break until you can.

The following terms must be defined by YOU: symbol, spiritual & mental characteristics, comforting & uncomfortable, appealing & unappealing. These are opinions and reflections of experience.

To me, this card looks like an old-man-puppy begging at the table. I used to love Froud when I was a little girl. I liked his dreamy images, the way he made pictures and I could daydream words. Now his language of pictures no longer speaks to me. That which I see in reality is more fantastic than any faerie he could ever dream. So to me, the card looks like an old-man-puppy and I want to tell it, "grow up." I will not let this deck "speak" to me.

There are a few things that could be happening. Among them are self-censorship, lack of interest in oracle decks, and refusal to assimilate anyone else's vision of faerie. Nonetheless, I will answer the list of questions.

The creature seems selfishly immature. It is wanting something, whining, trying to make me feel guilty if I do not give what it wishes. This beast has a certain slowness about it. It looks spiritually incomplete, grasping to the leadership of others. I find its wings appealing, because I like wings. I find the tilt of its head unappealing. It makes me want to wring its long neck, but the neck seems rubbery and I get the feeling that if I tried to choke it, the creature would laugh. I find myself fixated on wringing its un-wringable neck and hypnotized by its maniacal laughter into continuing on and on into insanity. It is frustrating. I come across as cruel and crazy—

but this is how we sometimes seem

in both reality and dream.

Page of Cups — The Russian Tarot of St. Petersburg

Artist: Yuri Shakov
LWB*: Stewart Kaplan

Interpretation: A studious and intent person. Reflective. Meditative. Loyal. Willingness to offer services and efforts toward a specific goal. A helpful person. Trustworthy.

[I think, from now on, if the LWB is completely at odds with how I generally view a card and has nothing in particular to say about a deck itself, as in this case, I shall cease to quote it, as it adds little to my insight.]

I love the Page of Cups. When my mom saw the image I drew for the card, she said it reminded her of Alice in Wonderland. Wonderful! The Page of Cups is my not-quite-rational, dreamy inner-girl-child. She reminds me: Be open to the unexpected. Listen to your intuition. Never cease to dream. And she reminds me to take a fresh perspective— a child-like view— when faced with difficult issues.

A couple of days ago I told my Big Sister I am going to have a baby. Six months is rather far along for just telling her, but we don't talk often. I didn't know how to bring it up sooner. I was afraid of feeling judged in one way or another. When I told her she said something like, "WHAT? Now you'll be Mom's favorite forever and ever." Which is silly and she knows it isn't true: I'm just Mom's most huggable child. I will have Mom's favorite grandchild by default: there are no others.

Having a child sets my sister and I down incomparably different paths. She is on the successful-career path and has succeeded, whereas I never quite tried hard enough. I am suddenly, after many years of much goofing-off, on a path of motherhood.

Today when I pulled a card, I remembered to ask a question: How does [my Big Sister] really feel about me having a baby? The answer is: the Page of Cups. Keep an open mind. If I expect a certain reaction, I am more likely to get it. If I expect to be judged, I will feel it. On the contrary, if I am able to be playful, to be open to unexpected feelings, to admit the possibility of a positive change in our relationship, I am more likely to be pleasantly surprised.

*LWB= the little white booklet that comes with most tarot decks

and tells, quite briefly, what each card is about

Six of Blades — Tarot of the Absurd

Artist: Jessica Rose Shanahan

Interpretation: Leaving a storm for calm waters. Change of thought or place. A journey through the watery mind. Attempt at harmony. Finding understanding. Rite of passage.

A man in a boat on stormy seas has lost his oars. He surfs a great wave as daggers fall from heaven. But it is not a hopeless situation. His eyes are the eyes of a fish, eyes that see through confused waters. His hands are webbed, like fins. On his head he has a swimming cap, and on his arm, the tattoo of a blade. These blades are nothing new. He is prepared for this and knows more than he thinks he knows. He will not sink. And when he swims, he'll find a message in a bottle.

The only thing that could hinder him is baggage. One cannot swim with too much baggage. A stubborn, clinging mind will never change. To swim, he needs to let his boat go, to let his baggage go, to keep his mind clear, to keep his aim focused. To read the message in the bottle he needs to use both hands and leave all else behind. It is easier to find harmony in simplicity than in chaos.

The purpose of this blog is to gain a better understanding of the cards

that I might better be able to explain the images in my deck

and someday write a little book.

See my deck at www.barefootfool.com

Knight of Wands — Pearls of Wisdom

[My brother Dan picked this card. He pulled it upside-down.]

Artist: Roxi Sim
Booklet: Caeli Fullbrite

Interpretation: "The journey is begun. The knight follows his inner promptings and advances into the unknown. He acts as a messenger bringing very good tidings. He loves adventure and finds it difficult to stay in one place very long."

If the knight of wands loves adventure, than he is certainly stymied being upside-down. He is stuck. Life feels meaningless. He is frustrated about factors over which he has no control. How does he turn himself right-side up?

There are things he can change; there are things he can control. Maybe they are just different things than he wants to change, or different things than he is focused on. Maybe the only things the knight of wands can change are things he doesn't want to change. Who knows?

People seeking help to try to change their lives are often taught this prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

It takes more work to flip a life around than it does to simply flip a card around. Sometimes it seems impossible; a dream. Use your imagination and your skill at creation. Draw doorways where you see walls. Make this dream a lucid dream.

18. The Moon — Sakki-Sakki Tarot

Artist: Monicka Clio Sakki
Author: Monicka Clio Sakki & Carol Anne Buckley

Interpretation: dreams, unconscious, inner-self, confusion, deception, mystery

"The landscape that the Moon's light reveals is a complex one. Along with its power to fascinate, the Moon arouses disturbing feelings, even madness.... The Moon provokes a psychic awakening, and lights our escape into the domain of our imagination."

I am driving to Syracuse today. It usually takes me about six hours because I drive 55-60 mph, take the occasional accidental detour, have to pee a few times, and maybe nap. My goal is to leave before noon. Despite my love of the moon, I hope not to drive by its light, lest I succumb to shadows one after another. Confusion leads to deception, letting me be overcome by the mystery of what I see as I drift into the land of the unconscious dreamer where there is nothing left but inner-self.

I will not deceive myself: these blog entries often take quite long to write. I have yet to pack. The truth is, I must leave by the light of day if I am to sleep in my parents' house tonight. My inner-self is not licensed to drive a car without the full awareness of my outer-self. I would like to arrive at my destination intact.

11. Strength — The Shakespeare Oracle

[One well versed in Shakespeare could use this deck to learn tarot and never need to look up a meaning in the book.]

Artist: Cynthia von Buhler
Author: A. Bronwyn Llewellyn

Interpretation: "This card suggests fortitude, confidence, and command. This isn't the raw courage and endurance needed to leap into battle, but the inner strength to do what has to be done, no matter how difficult or long it takes." Etc.

I keep forgetting to ask a question. I have no idea what this card answers other than the eternal question "Who am I?" This is not a bad thing. Ramana Maharshi tells us:

"Who am I" is not a mantra. It means that you must find out where in you arises the "I"-thought which is the source of all other thoughts. [AND] Self-enquiry is certainly not and empty formula and it is more than the repetition of any mantra. If the enquiry "Who am I" were a mere mental Questioning, it would not be of much value. The very purpose of self-enquiry is to focus the entire mind at its source. It is not, therefore, a case of one "I" searching for another "I." Much less is self-enquiry an empty formula, for it involves an intense activity of the entire mind to keep it steadily poised in pure Self-awareness.

Unfortunately, the simplicity of meditation is more complex than the complexity of reading tarot:

To enquire "Who am I?" really means trying to find out the source of the ego or the "I"-thought. You are not to think of other thoughts, such as "I am not this body." Seeking the source of "I" serves as a means of getting rid of all other thoughts. We should not give scope to other thoughts... but must keep the attention fixed on finding out the source of the "I"-thought by asking, as each thought arises, to whom the thought arises. If the answer is "I get the thought," continue the enquiry by asking "Who is this 'I' and what is its source?"


Each tarot card answers "Who am I" in a different way. Each card shows something different in myself. At any moment, I embody every card. When I pull a card with no question in mind but "Who am I?" the answer is always, "You are this." Then I find the part of me that the card speaks of and how I currently embody that aspect.

I pulled the Strength card and thus ask, "How am I Strength?" I see that I embody many aspects of strength in its positive attitude. Although often I am uncertain of what I am doing, confidence in my self and my world-view gives me strength. I admit I pulled the card upside-down, and seek meaning there. It tells me to watch for self-doubt and lack of faith. These are things that weaken me.

this card whispers in a rush:

you are strong: be strong be strong

visit www.barefootfool.com

Nine of Wands — Tarot of the Immagination

Artist: Frenec Pinter

I have neither Little White Book nor box for this deck. As with all cards, different people interpret the nine of wands in different ways. This reading is my feeble attempt at art interpretation, which is what I am left with when no one tells me what to think.

The man in the foreground is fishing at the edge of a canal. It looks like he is wearing fatigues and a Russian army hat. He is sitting on a poster of Lenin. Is this image during the war years, when Lenin, standing for maximum working-class democracy, lead the workers of the Tsarist Russian Empire to revolution? Or is it afterward, when the Stalinists, calling themselves Leninists, cut away at everything Lenin had worked for and adopted anti-working-class policies? I never paid attention in history class. There were too many wars and dates and dead white men.

Inner strength, stamina, and the will to go on despite impossible odds are at the center of the Nine of Wands. I would like to say, the man is a revolutionary. He sits on the ideals of Lenin, protecting them, making them his own. But the revolution is going on forever. So many people he knows have died. Will the war never end? It is so dark! If only he can follow the light of his inner strength, it will lead to glory.

The twist: there is glory for the Bolshevik Party, but all too soon their ideals are crushed and twisted. The revolution is stolen from the hands of the revolutionaries. The struggle of the working class has never ended. Only in heaven is there a chance for the light of inner strength to close its eyes in sleep, just for a moment.

This card shows that if we search deep inside ourselves, we will find the strength to endure.

Three of Pentacles — New Age Tarot

[NOTE: Notes within brackets within quotes are my notes, not quotes.]

Artist: Walter Wegmüller

Interpretation: "Symbolic of a profitable training course or experiences. [Knowledge as wealth.]

"The Three of Pentacles also represent the three time references where money is concerned: savings (past), use (present), and investment (future). [These numbers may be negative or positive.]

"In yet another sense, it also stands for coined money [most often fiat money, without intrinsic value yet endorsed by the government], toy money [unendorsed, legal money: virtual money; Monopoly money; money from another country] and counterfeit money [unendorsed, illegal money: stuff that seems real but isn't; something too good to be true]."

The oldest decks depicting little round discs with symbols on them used the term "coin" to denote the suit. "Pentacle" is a later term, associated with tarot after the deck took on occult meaning. Technically, a pentacle is an amulet used in magical evocation on which the symbol or spirit or energy being evoked is depicted. In tarot decks, a pentacle it is usually denoted as a coin with a pentagram inside.

I like how the author/ illustrator of the deck calls the suit "pentacles" without illustrating the usual pentagram. Instead, he fills his coins (and his cards) with magical images from around the globe. However, his use of the term "pentacle" conflicts with how strongly he relates all his pentacles to actual money instead of to more general, practical, earthy and material matters. Money is a societal convention. It is not the most important form of wealth at all. Our society is too focused on money money money.

I leave money out of the suit of pentacles— tho I do call it coins. The three of coins reminds us that one form of wealth is the skill necessary to accomplish a goal. Good planning and organization are necessary to succeed and to improve the quality of life. Learn well, work hard and stay on top of things. With a little luck thrown in the mix, you will succeed.

Now I need to tell that to myself and get a move on finishing this deck.

Three of Swords — La Corte dei Tarocchi

Artist: Anna Maria D'Onofrio

[I didn't really want to draw this card. I wanted the one above it, but this one fell out of the deck so I felt obliged to take it.]

The three of swords is

that normal-sort of heartbreak—

when you live and things hurt

because you are willing to feel them.

If you aren't willing to feel

nothing hurts

but that is not living.

It is very difficult to stay not-living

while walking on this earth.

Not even people-hating people are non-living.

People-hating people hurt and hate

and maybe live in heartache more

than you or I with broken hearts.

Zombie-people are the sort

who never draw the three of swords.

I do not know what sort of cards they draw—

they have no future and no past because

they are not present.

Maybe, soul-less, they draw the devil every time

and devils only devils.

Maybe I am wrong— perhaps

they draw threes of swords one after another—

threes and threes of swords that scream—

feel something! feel something!— but—

they cannot hear because

they are not present. Silence.

Zombie is a state of deep, near-death addiction

where times of lucidity are so few or never that

no light comes in and then there is no point

and then there is no living— real death—

beyond which there cannot be feeling like we feel—

feeling that makes us alive.

Feeling makes us alive. Be thankful and

be thankful for the three of swords.

13. The Journey — The Wildwood Tarot

Artist: Will Worthington
Authors: Mark Ryan & John Matthews

This card corresponds to the Death card in the Marseille Tarot.

"The first step is to ask the initial question," write the authors. "This is the most overlooked part of any divinatory system... the act of asking focuses the mind. The desired answer or even the real question itself may be buried so deep in our own subconscious that we need the help of Tarot to reflect our own unknowable truth."

The truth is, I have not been asking a question other than which card will it be? what will it show me? When I pull cards for this blog, I am not searching for insight. I merely seek the ability to understand the cards more thoroughly. But if I want to get a better answer, I have to ask a better question.

This deck has caught me unawares. The book is extremely well written. I do not just want to jump to the card and see what it means. I want to read the book, understand where the authors are coming from, and move from there. I am the sort who reads instruction books cover-to-cover. I hope my book will be so enticing to others.

From the book—
It is time to face the inevitable, to let the bones be laid bare and acknowledge the deepest aspects of your fears and desires. Do not fear change, because this is also a time of purification and realignment. This change may seem extreme and destructive, but old crops must be cleared for new growth to thrive and static or sterile modes and concepts must perish. A celebration of the past or an acknowledgement of the passing of  one part of life may be required. Let the threads of the old slip from your fingers with joyful remembrance and enter this time of withdrawal and renewal with patience and calm.

I had trouble calling my death card "finished" for a long time. I was trying to illustrate death as something that begins in childhood and grows with life. Death is there all along; it is nothing new. I drew people of three ages dancing with snakes that grew with them, both the snakes and the people enjoying life. Death enjoys life. Over and over, death enjoys life. Still, something was missing. That something was death itself, a fourth stage of life, like the four seasons of the year. When I added the skull, death became complete. I was not afraid that death was part of life; I was afraid that death was part of death.

Here is a celebration. Before the birth of my child, celebrate the death of my self: my selfish-self: my self who wanted to be only-self for so many years and had "too much to" do to be devoted to another self. I think it would be a good thing: to say good-bye thoroughly to what I no longer need, that I might greet with purity what I desire.

I am excited for this death and birth of life.

Find death at www.barefootfool.com.

Five of Cups — Tarot of the Absurd

Artist: Jessica Rose Shanahan

[This is my third five of cups in all my 14 days of one-card readings. What am I, depressed?]

Interpretation: Inability to see that, when the glass is half-empty, it is, indeed, half-full.

The man in the picture is glum. He is angry and disillusioned. He is sad for his loss and the imperfection of his life. He is sulking because all he can see is what is lost— the four spilled cups in front of him. If he would only look around— take a peek over his shoulder— he would see that all is not lost. One shining cup hovers behind him, floating in the air like an apparition! Do not give up hope! Look for the positive! To do so requires a change in attitude. To see the bright side of a seemingly dismal situation takes a change in point-of-view. Stand up, walk over, turn around. The present situation is unstable and needs to change. Regret is useless. Look and see— what is possible?

Click here to see most of the cards in this deck.

Female Knight of Staves — Cary-Yale Visconti Deck

Artist: unknown

Interpretation: upright: Confidence. Letters. Faithfulness. A friend of many years comes to visit. inverted: Lack of commitment. Gossip. Bad news. Disillusionment with an old friend.

I wonder who thought up this interpretation—

The main founding father of tarot occultism, Antoine Court de Géblin, was a "Protestant pastor, Freemason and savant (p 52)."* Court de Géblin was one of the founding fathers of the Plilalèthes, an esoteric cult who combined, it seems, most any en-vogue and occultist literature into their doctrine. He wrote innumerable unscientific articles and essays on the history of  civilization all the while demonstrating a disdain for serious evidence and rational thought.

In the early 1770s, Court de Géblin was introduced to the game of Tarots by a woman who was visiting Paris from "Germany or Switzerland." Within the course of fifteen minutes, he scanned the entire pack. He immediately declared it thoroughly Egyptian and announced that its secret knowledge had survived so long because the deck was disguised as an instrument of play instead of the antique book of wisdom it truly was. "He did not pretend to have derived his knowledge from any ancient tradition, orally transmitted... for long ages no one had suspected the truth until he himself had with his genius perceived it and uncovered it (p 58)."

Court de Géblin had grown up in Switzerland and thus had seen the cards as a child, but not since. The game of Tarots was, at the time, still popular in Switzerland and generally forgotten in France. This foreignness was an essential element in Court de Géblin's ability to spread his grandiose theories of the origin and significance of the tarot pack.

The deck that Court de Géblin saw in the woman's possession was one of 78 cards. It is important to note, as demonstrated with this 86-card Cary-Yale Visconti Deck, that not all decks used in the game of trumps had 78 cards. Decks and their suits and trumps were regionally consistent, but not internationally consistent. Whereas the number of cards is significant in contemporary "traditional" occult methods of divination, all that is important for game playing is that the players are familiar with the deck and agree on the rules.

The first professional cartomancer, Jean-Baptiste Alliette, or Etteilla as he was known, also used a 78-card pack. He "corrected" many of the trumps to show images we are more familiar with today. His numbering of trumps differed from the order used in play in the tarot of Marseille and contemporary occult tarot, and the meaning of the numeral cards has evolved significantly since his time. However, the number of cards in the occult tarot deck has remained consistent from Court de Géblin's "discovery" in the 1770s.

That is, until the mid 1990s with the addition of the Happy Squirrel Card in the Simpson's episode #19, Lisa's Wedding.

So, when Stuart Kaplan took to publishing facsimiles of antique tarot decks, who took on the task of assigning esoteric meaning to the additional eight cards in the Cary-Yale Visconti Deck? My guess is Stuart R. Kaplan himself, who has earned great recognition for his contributions to the occult tarot since the late sixties.

*R. Decker, T. Depaulis & M. Dummett A Wicked Pack of Cards, St. Martin's Press, 1996. History of the tarot deck & all quotes from this source.

Eight of Swords — Dragon Tarot

Artist: Peter Pracownik
Designer: Terry Donaldson

Interpretation: Little White Book missing

This is a deck my Mom picked up for me at a garage sale, hence the missing LWB. It is proof that I am willing to accept any deck into my collection, just to show the variety of tarot art out there. I am not a fan of dragons or fantasy, per se. In particular, I am not a fan of other peoples' fantasy. I admit, it happens that my seven of cups has a couple of dragons drinking tea on it: that's because the seven of cups is about fantasy.

The eight of swords is about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. It is about the feeling of being stuck without the complete actuality of being stuck. Sometimes there seem to be no options— or so many options it is impossible to chose. Some say it is best not to make any crucial decisions at this point. I say, there is one crucial decision that must be made at this point: how to get unstuck. Sometimes this means letting the mind go, accepting stuckness and going from there: "I am stuck, but what can I do?"  The dragon on this card looks slightly menacing. If I was to feel stuck and it was to say "BOO!" I would quickly feel unstuck— unless there was another, equally menacing dragon in the opposite direction.

Yesterday I wrote: "Stopping is getting stuck. The longer I stop for, the more thoroughly I will be stuck. I do not want to get stuck." Today I am back in Vermont. Thus, aside from a few bad habits, (excessive chocolate, lack of exercise) and unfortunate situations (unemployment), I no longer feel stuck. Not here. My imagination is too great for that: I am more likely to have too many options than too few. This merely leaves me feeling inept at making a decision, not stuck.

I LIE! I am stuck: I have yet to illustrate the kings. Instead, I spend inordinate hours browsing the internet, looking for independently published small-run 78-card tarot decks (contact me if you have one) and sometimes (too often? not often enough? too often for an unemployed pregnant person but not often enough for my liking?) purchasing them. I need to get unstuck. Bring me to your leader— MANIFEST YOUR KING!

Who is Jessica Rose Shanahan?

Justice — Deviant Moon Tarot

Artist: Patrick Valenza

Interpretation: "A great judge balances two swords as he presides over the city. Although seemly fair, corruption often creeps from the seams of a just society. Upright: Balance. Strong character. Fairness. Reversed: Abused. Taking sides. Bias."

I chose this deck because it is moody, like I am. I pulled justice upside-down. What is this— justice?

Justice is cold and unfeeling. Those who feel righteous when justice has been carried out are those who have not felt its sting. Those who feel wronged when justice is carried out are those who have been hit by the blade.

Justice is a search for the Truth. Justice is a decision as to what the Truth is. But what if there is no Truth? Certainly, some things seem more true than others, especially in the physical world. Many people insist that they know the Truth. But just as no two objects can be in the same place at the same time, is it really possible for two humans to have the same idea as to what is true and just? We all have different views and viewpoints. We have a myriad of multi-colored gods and eyes and each one speaks a different Truth.

It is impossible to get a group of diverse people to agree on what is fair and just. This is why we are supposed to have diverse juries: to decide what the majority of the people might be satisfied with in terms of justice. This is justice as distributed by humanity. Unfortunately, humanity is notoriously unjust, and it is quite difficult to get people to agree on a jury.

What is my justice today? What truth do I seek and what lies have I told myself? What decision do I need to make? Yesterday I spent most of the day sleeping: depressed. This seems to be happening periodically in my second trimester. It never lasts more than a day or two. I could blame it on pregnancy, seeing as how I have never felt like this before in my life. (Nor have my fingernails ever been so perfectly beautiful, but I am not complaining.) I need to make the decision to keep moving, to move forward, even when I cannot see where I am going and  I do not see the point. Stopping is getting stuck. The longer I stop for, the more thoroughly I will be stuck. I do not want to get stuck.

I made my very own tarot deck!

The Hermit — Kitty Kahane Tarot

Artist: Kitty Kahane
Booklet: Lilo Schwartz

Interpretation: "Follow your Star. // Be true to yourself and follow your own way. You alone know where your star is leading you, therefore do not let yourself be distracted by outside influences and well-meaning counsel..."

The hermit seems to have left the house in his bathrobe. Perhaps it is supposed to be an overcoat, but it looks fuzzy. So does his chin. May be he just got up out of bed, threw on a robe and went for a hike. Either way, no one is looking. He's got a start to light his way and a little birdie on his shoulder.

The hermit is the old-man-self. Incorporating more of the past into one's self allows us to understand what may come of the future. Knowing what may come of the future allows us to see where we are going, to allow time itself to become starlight that shows some roots and rocks in an otherwise shadowy path.

I am shy. I like the hermit. I have dreams that I keep hidden in fear of failure, or in fear that others will think them too strange. Perhaps sometimes my star's a bit dim, because I should have learned by now that the few people I allow to my hermitage do not judge me nearly so harshly as I judge myself.

I spend hours alone, reading or doing yoga or wandering around outside and thinking, just looking. I like to see how one thing connects to another— becomes another— is fully and completely inseparate from another. Eventually, nothing that I want to be important seems important at all, and I feel helpless in the face of what is truly important. Whatever that is. At this point, it's time I call a friend on the phone and talk pure silliness that certainly means nothing but is nonetheless quite crucial.

I am the hermit right now in Quebec. Martin is speaking French on the phone. His son refuses to accept that English might be a language of civilized people and suddenly insists he understands none of it: he doesn't want it spoken in the house. Outside it is raining or snowing something awfully wet. Down the street is a bike path that leads in one direction or the other but veers little and never forks. There are people on the path sometimes. If they spoke to me, I would not understand them. In the sprawling local suburbs there is one box-shaped store after another selling things that we are foolish enough to think might make us happy. A star is a very large, very heavy thing to carry. I want to go home so I can put the star on its shelf for a while and sleep in my own bed.

Page of Pentacles — The Lover's Tarot

[NOTE: Not that I'm doing deck reviews here, but I dislike it when some "artist" does a lot of (often poor) cutting and pasting from classical images and then doesn't tell us where the images are sourced. All 'ye artists out there: see Karen Mahoney & Alex Ukolov's excellent book for the Tarot of Prague for an example of beautifully sourced artwork.]

Artist: Oliver Burston
Book: Jane Lyle

Interpretation: upright: It is a joyful, happy card wherever it falls. Listen to your voice. Pay attention to your dreams. inverted: Something is not what it seems. Take time to assess the reality of a situation.


Generally, I look at every card upright. As Brian sang, while hanging on the cross, "Always look at the bright side of life— (ba-bum, ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum)—"  When I flipped the card over, my first thought was, "It's upside down."  Either way, it does makes sense to look at both sides at once. Thus: listen to your voice and take time to assess the reality of a situation.

Jane Lyle's book that comes with the deck is, as implied, skewed toward affairs of the heart. Her emphasis is on self-reflection and introspection, not divination. She asks us to ponder —does this card represent an individual? —yourself? —a situation or a relationship phase? —and says: "When describing an aspect of personality, it heralds an intuitive, creative phase, and has close links with the first stirrings of romantic love and desire."

If I am a romantic at heart, which I say I am when defining my heart, than all my love is romantic. As for desire— who is free from desire?

In this intuitive, creative phase heralded by pregnancy (intuitive because I haven't a clue what I am doing; creative because I'll be making everything up as I go along) there are many things that will need to change. The page of coins tells me to pay attention to what I need to do to manifest my dreams in the material world.
 
One simple change: Martin suggested we move to Quebec. (The more complex changes that come after having a child are currently incomprehensible to me, and thus outside the scope of my dreams.) After a long period of refusal, (too far from my family, I don't know the language, I'm sick of making new friends, too isolating, etc.) I am now in love (or perhaps it is lust) with the idea of moving: I have had a change of heart. This material change (relocation) will help me manifest my desire to learn French.

I am especially in love with the idea of Quebec City. What ecstasy to fall in love with an old city— with its arches and staircases— stone walls and churches— steeples— statues— parks and windows— doorways— curves and corners— O! deliciously sensual. I dream of wandering alone. Today I am off to initiate my love affair with Quebec City...

Have you seen the Tarot of the Absurd?

Nine of Coins — Tarots Oreste Zevola

Artist: Oreste Zevola

The little white book that comes with the deck is all written in French and says nothing of the minor arcana.

I had Martin draw this card, so it is for him, not me. He speaks French, so he and the deck should get along, one would think. Except, his initial reaction upon looking at the card was, "Ooh, scarry." It's not supposed to be scarry. It's just how the card looks, with what seems to be some horned zombie on the bottom with a lizard across its face and two dismembered arms and an upside-down, somewhat anatomically-correct heart. Or at least, this is what I see. No wonder this is not a terribly popular deck.

The artist's interests lie in design and primitive art with a slightly surrealist bent. This is the angle from which he approached his deck. He has little interest in the deck as an occult tool of divination. This should not stop us from using his cards as divination tools: the first decks were meant only for gaming, and yet it is from these decks that the whole system of esoteric divination was devised. And although he seems slightly interested in the cards as a game, his deck design precludes using it as such: the cards are so awkwardly long they are impossible to shuffle.

So I return to divination and the occult and whatnot. The nine of coins is about enjoying the good life and harvesting the fruit of one's labor. This is generally a pleasant card, I think, but that the small image on the bottom seems to show the harvest as one's own arms and heart. Maybe this is the harvest, as everything we are successful at producing is product of our arms and heart. And sometimes, maybe, the harvest seems painful and heartbreaking, because afterward we have to let it go. But when the fruits of our labor are properly harvested, we should retain our arms and heart that we might go on to use them another season.

As Martin said, "Ooh, scarry."
As I said, no wonder this is not a terribly popular deck.