Fante di Denari — Il Tarocco Bizarro

Artist: Franco Bruna

"It is practically impossible to use Tarots in order to know what the future holds before-hand. If this was not so, this crazy, mad world would be even more insane and frightening than it already is. Maybe this is the reason why the journey into the Tarots begins with The Fool... At the end of this journey it will be easy to use Tarots to better understand the reality that surrounds us and to see what could have been clear, but, clearly, [was] not..."
[In other words, it is easier to read the past than to read the future. Still, we refuse to learn.]

*   *   *

A student with new and brilliant ideas needs guidance.

Act on those grand ideas, but keep your feet firmly planted on the ground.

The page of coins asks us to grow in a way that generates wealth for the future. It indicates the energy to begin the process of bringing dreams into reality. This card encourages us to begin actions that will ultimately lead to the achievement of goals. Be clear on what skills and resources are required in order to get closer to the goal. Putting theory into practice will lead to finding a solution that actually works.

The page of coins has the desire to learn all things. Instead of getting carried away with more ideas, remain focused on the practical elements of what is realistic and achievable: remain focused on tangible outcomes and results.

Der Worte sind genug gewechselt,
lasst mich auch endlich Taten sehn!
Enough words have been exchanged;
now at last let me see some deeds!

(Goethe, Faust I)

Shall I ever pass the page of coins

and move beyond the prologue in the theater?

My kings! My kings! I need to draw my kings! 

www.barefootfool.com 

Page ~ Princess of Wands — The Renaissance Tarot

[I forgot to ask a question again.]

Illustrator: Helen Jones
Author: Jane Lyle

Interpretation: "Ability. Creative beginnings. // ...an upsurge of the pace in everyday life. Original ideas, intuitive guidance, a desire to make new friends — all these may spring from inside ourselves. Outer events mirror this energy; there is often an increase in conversations, letters, invitations, short trips and social events."

How about: I would like an increase in conversations (with friends), letters (from friends), invitations (to visit friends), short trips (with friends) and social events (at my house).

Is grocery shopping or a trip to the doctor's a short trip? Is traveling to Quebec or Syracuse for the weekend or week a short trip or a long trip? Perhaps the length of the trip is determined by how long the trip feels. "Short trip" is supposed to seem positive whereas "errand" generally seems negative.

Maybe "short trip" means "brief psychedelic experience." From the on-line urban dictionary: "An adjective meaning cool, freaky, groovy, amazing, or all of the above, depending on the context in which it's used. ...the root word, "trip," refers to soft psychedelic trips and has been in use since the 60's."

When I wanted Martin to consider home birth, I didn't try too hard to be convincing. I handed him my only book on birth— Ina May Gaskin's book Spiritual Midwifery— where the natural birthing experience, as described by the husband, is always trippy, other-worldly, and extremely spiritual. After he'd read a bit, he said, "I'd like to experience that kind of energy." I was happy.

The short trip of birth (as opposed to the long trip of raising a child) will indeed herald new beginnings, an upsurge in the pace of life, and the need to come up with original ideas to solve every-day problems. It will necessitate following my intuition. I hope to make new friends who can help me with these things.

I could, perhaps, have picked another aspect of my life to relate this card to. I've used pregnancy a number of times. However, that's what gets my attention right now. Louann Brizendine, MD, director of the Women's Mood and Hormone Clinic at the University of California, San Francisco explains pregnancy brain, in part, like this: "There are 15 to 40 times more progesterone and estrogen marinating the brain during pregnancy, and these hormones affect all kinds of neurons in the brain." And, "You only have so many shelves in your brain so the top three are filled with baby stuff." Good enough for me.

Want to see the deck of cards I'm working on?

visit www.barefootfool.com

The Faeries' Oracle — 41. Ilbe the Retriever

Artist: Brian Froud
Author: Jessica MacBeth

"Office of Unclaimed Property, Hopes, and Wishes. Loyalty."

Oracle decks are different from tarot decks in a number of manners. There is no predetermined pattern to the deck. There is no history of the cards. The cards are not used for games. Often, there are no "dark" images as there are in the tarot deck (i.e.: the devil, the tower, death, 10 of swords, 3 of swords, 4 of coins, etc.)

Oracle decks are similar to a 'book with all answers,' where opening a page answers your preset question. In this case, drawing a card tells you which page to open to.

Oracle decks often begin with the author's passionate belief in one particular area. Some decks, as this one, marry existing imagery to suitable meanings. In general, these cards spring from a desire to tap into the spiritual world to find "insight, wisdom, and joy," as is the purpose of this particular deck.

The author says, Don't read someone else's definitions of the cards until you already have some idea of what they mean to you. This is good advice for any work of art, literature, poetry, graffiti, kitsch, tarot card, or ancient spiritual text. Don't let someone tell you what it means. Figure it out yourself, then listen to others' opinions. You will gain no insight if you do not allow your inner eye to open. You will gain no wisdom if you always only listen to the words of others— perhaps knowledge, but not wisdom. And joy? What truly gives you joy?

Jessica MacBeth gives good instructions on how to get to know a card. In part, she asks a series of questions. She adds clarifying questions to help you think; I give no such help here. I summarize:
1) What is the emotional atmosphere of the card?
2) What might the physical manifestation of this card's symbols be in someone's life? What aspect of life does this card symbolize to you?
3) What do you see in the card's symbols that might represent the card's mental characteristics?
4) What are the spiritual characteristics of the card's symbols?
5) What do you find most appealing or comforting about this card?
6) What do you find most unappealing or uncomfortable about this card?
7) What other ideas or impressions do you have of this card?
And she says: if you fail to answer any of these questions, take a break until you can.

The following terms must be defined by YOU: symbol, spiritual & mental characteristics, comforting & uncomfortable, appealing & unappealing. These are opinions and reflections of experience.

To me, this card looks like an old-man-puppy begging at the table. I used to love Froud when I was a little girl. I liked his dreamy images, the way he made pictures and I could daydream words. Now his language of pictures no longer speaks to me. That which I see in reality is more fantastic than any faerie he could ever dream. So to me, the card looks like an old-man-puppy and I want to tell it, "grow up." I will not let this deck "speak" to me.

There are a few things that could be happening. Among them are self-censorship, lack of interest in oracle decks, and refusal to assimilate anyone else's vision of faerie. Nonetheless, I will answer the list of questions.

The creature seems selfishly immature. It is wanting something, whining, trying to make me feel guilty if I do not give what it wishes. This beast has a certain slowness about it. It looks spiritually incomplete, grasping to the leadership of others. I find its wings appealing, because I like wings. I find the tilt of its head unappealing. It makes me want to wring its long neck, but the neck seems rubbery and I get the feeling that if I tried to choke it, the creature would laugh. I find myself fixated on wringing its un-wringable neck and hypnotized by its maniacal laughter into continuing on and on into insanity. It is frustrating. I come across as cruel and crazy—

but this is how we sometimes seem

in both reality and dream.

Page of Cups — The Russian Tarot of St. Petersburg

Artist: Yuri Shakov
LWB*: Stewart Kaplan

Interpretation: A studious and intent person. Reflective. Meditative. Loyal. Willingness to offer services and efforts toward a specific goal. A helpful person. Trustworthy.

[I think, from now on, if the LWB is completely at odds with how I generally view a card and has nothing in particular to say about a deck itself, as in this case, I shall cease to quote it, as it adds little to my insight.]

I love the Page of Cups. When my mom saw the image I drew for the card, she said it reminded her of Alice in Wonderland. Wonderful! The Page of Cups is my not-quite-rational, dreamy inner-girl-child. She reminds me: Be open to the unexpected. Listen to your intuition. Never cease to dream. And she reminds me to take a fresh perspective— a child-like view— when faced with difficult issues.

A couple of days ago I told my Big Sister I am going to have a baby. Six months is rather far along for just telling her, but we don't talk often. I didn't know how to bring it up sooner. I was afraid of feeling judged in one way or another. When I told her she said something like, "WHAT? Now you'll be Mom's favorite forever and ever." Which is silly and she knows it isn't true: I'm just Mom's most huggable child. I will have Mom's favorite grandchild by default: there are no others.

Having a child sets my sister and I down incomparably different paths. She is on the successful-career path and has succeeded, whereas I never quite tried hard enough. I am suddenly, after many years of much goofing-off, on a path of motherhood.

Today when I pulled a card, I remembered to ask a question: How does [my Big Sister] really feel about me having a baby? The answer is: the Page of Cups. Keep an open mind. If I expect a certain reaction, I am more likely to get it. If I expect to be judged, I will feel it. On the contrary, if I am able to be playful, to be open to unexpected feelings, to admit the possibility of a positive change in our relationship, I am more likely to be pleasantly surprised.

*LWB= the little white booklet that comes with most tarot decks

and tells, quite briefly, what each card is about

Six of Blades — Tarot of the Absurd

Artist: Jessica Rose Shanahan

Interpretation: Leaving a storm for calm waters. Change of thought or place. A journey through the watery mind. Attempt at harmony. Finding understanding. Rite of passage.

A man in a boat on stormy seas has lost his oars. He surfs a great wave as daggers fall from heaven. But it is not a hopeless situation. His eyes are the eyes of a fish, eyes that see through confused waters. His hands are webbed, like fins. On his head he has a swimming cap, and on his arm, the tattoo of a blade. These blades are nothing new. He is prepared for this and knows more than he thinks he knows. He will not sink. And when he swims, he'll find a message in a bottle.

The only thing that could hinder him is baggage. One cannot swim with too much baggage. A stubborn, clinging mind will never change. To swim, he needs to let his boat go, to let his baggage go, to keep his mind clear, to keep his aim focused. To read the message in the bottle he needs to use both hands and leave all else behind. It is easier to find harmony in simplicity than in chaos.

The purpose of this blog is to gain a better understanding of the cards

that I might better be able to explain the images in my deck

and someday write a little book.

See my deck at www.barefootfool.com

Knight of Wands — Pearls of Wisdom

[My brother Dan picked this card. He pulled it upside-down.]

Artist: Roxi Sim
Booklet: Caeli Fullbrite

Interpretation: "The journey is begun. The knight follows his inner promptings and advances into the unknown. He acts as a messenger bringing very good tidings. He loves adventure and finds it difficult to stay in one place very long."

If the knight of wands loves adventure, than he is certainly stymied being upside-down. He is stuck. Life feels meaningless. He is frustrated about factors over which he has no control. How does he turn himself right-side up?

There are things he can change; there are things he can control. Maybe they are just different things than he wants to change, or different things than he is focused on. Maybe the only things the knight of wands can change are things he doesn't want to change. Who knows?

People seeking help to try to change their lives are often taught this prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

It takes more work to flip a life around than it does to simply flip a card around. Sometimes it seems impossible; a dream. Use your imagination and your skill at creation. Draw doorways where you see walls. Make this dream a lucid dream.

18. The Moon — Sakki-Sakki Tarot

Artist: Monicka Clio Sakki
Author: Monicka Clio Sakki & Carol Anne Buckley

Interpretation: dreams, unconscious, inner-self, confusion, deception, mystery

"The landscape that the Moon's light reveals is a complex one. Along with its power to fascinate, the Moon arouses disturbing feelings, even madness.... The Moon provokes a psychic awakening, and lights our escape into the domain of our imagination."

I am driving to Syracuse today. It usually takes me about six hours because I drive 55-60 mph, take the occasional accidental detour, have to pee a few times, and maybe nap. My goal is to leave before noon. Despite my love of the moon, I hope not to drive by its light, lest I succumb to shadows one after another. Confusion leads to deception, letting me be overcome by the mystery of what I see as I drift into the land of the unconscious dreamer where there is nothing left but inner-self.

I will not deceive myself: these blog entries often take quite long to write. I have yet to pack. The truth is, I must leave by the light of day if I am to sleep in my parents' house tonight. My inner-self is not licensed to drive a car without the full awareness of my outer-self. I would like to arrive at my destination intact.

11. Strength — The Shakespeare Oracle

[One well versed in Shakespeare could use this deck to learn tarot and never need to look up a meaning in the book.]

Artist: Cynthia von Buhler
Author: A. Bronwyn Llewellyn

Interpretation: "This card suggests fortitude, confidence, and command. This isn't the raw courage and endurance needed to leap into battle, but the inner strength to do what has to be done, no matter how difficult or long it takes." Etc.

I keep forgetting to ask a question. I have no idea what this card answers other than the eternal question "Who am I?" This is not a bad thing. Ramana Maharshi tells us:

"Who am I" is not a mantra. It means that you must find out where in you arises the "I"-thought which is the source of all other thoughts. [AND] Self-enquiry is certainly not and empty formula and it is more than the repetition of any mantra. If the enquiry "Who am I" were a mere mental Questioning, it would not be of much value. The very purpose of self-enquiry is to focus the entire mind at its source. It is not, therefore, a case of one "I" searching for another "I." Much less is self-enquiry an empty formula, for it involves an intense activity of the entire mind to keep it steadily poised in pure Self-awareness.

Unfortunately, the simplicity of meditation is more complex than the complexity of reading tarot:

To enquire "Who am I?" really means trying to find out the source of the ego or the "I"-thought. You are not to think of other thoughts, such as "I am not this body." Seeking the source of "I" serves as a means of getting rid of all other thoughts. We should not give scope to other thoughts... but must keep the attention fixed on finding out the source of the "I"-thought by asking, as each thought arises, to whom the thought arises. If the answer is "I get the thought," continue the enquiry by asking "Who is this 'I' and what is its source?"


Each tarot card answers "Who am I" in a different way. Each card shows something different in myself. At any moment, I embody every card. When I pull a card with no question in mind but "Who am I?" the answer is always, "You are this." Then I find the part of me that the card speaks of and how I currently embody that aspect.

I pulled the Strength card and thus ask, "How am I Strength?" I see that I embody many aspects of strength in its positive attitude. Although often I am uncertain of what I am doing, confidence in my self and my world-view gives me strength. I admit I pulled the card upside-down, and seek meaning there. It tells me to watch for self-doubt and lack of faith. These are things that weaken me.

this card whispers in a rush:

you are strong: be strong be strong

visit www.barefootfool.com

Nine of Wands — Tarot of the Immagination

Artist: Frenec Pinter

I have neither Little White Book nor box for this deck. As with all cards, different people interpret the nine of wands in different ways. This reading is my feeble attempt at art interpretation, which is what I am left with when no one tells me what to think.

The man in the foreground is fishing at the edge of a canal. It looks like he is wearing fatigues and a Russian army hat. He is sitting on a poster of Lenin. Is this image during the war years, when Lenin, standing for maximum working-class democracy, lead the workers of the Tsarist Russian Empire to revolution? Or is it afterward, when the Stalinists, calling themselves Leninists, cut away at everything Lenin had worked for and adopted anti-working-class policies? I never paid attention in history class. There were too many wars and dates and dead white men.

Inner strength, stamina, and the will to go on despite impossible odds are at the center of the Nine of Wands. I would like to say, the man is a revolutionary. He sits on the ideals of Lenin, protecting them, making them his own. But the revolution is going on forever. So many people he knows have died. Will the war never end? It is so dark! If only he can follow the light of his inner strength, it will lead to glory.

The twist: there is glory for the Bolshevik Party, but all too soon their ideals are crushed and twisted. The revolution is stolen from the hands of the revolutionaries. The struggle of the working class has never ended. Only in heaven is there a chance for the light of inner strength to close its eyes in sleep, just for a moment.

This card shows that if we search deep inside ourselves, we will find the strength to endure.

Three of Pentacles — New Age Tarot

[NOTE: Notes within brackets within quotes are my notes, not quotes.]

Artist: Walter Wegmüller

Interpretation: "Symbolic of a profitable training course or experiences. [Knowledge as wealth.]

"The Three of Pentacles also represent the three time references where money is concerned: savings (past), use (present), and investment (future). [These numbers may be negative or positive.]

"In yet another sense, it also stands for coined money [most often fiat money, without intrinsic value yet endorsed by the government], toy money [unendorsed, legal money: virtual money; Monopoly money; money from another country] and counterfeit money [unendorsed, illegal money: stuff that seems real but isn't; something too good to be true]."

The oldest decks depicting little round discs with symbols on them used the term "coin" to denote the suit. "Pentacle" is a later term, associated with tarot after the deck took on occult meaning. Technically, a pentacle is an amulet used in magical evocation on which the symbol or spirit or energy being evoked is depicted. In tarot decks, a pentacle it is usually denoted as a coin with a pentagram inside.

I like how the author/ illustrator of the deck calls the suit "pentacles" without illustrating the usual pentagram. Instead, he fills his coins (and his cards) with magical images from around the globe. However, his use of the term "pentacle" conflicts with how strongly he relates all his pentacles to actual money instead of to more general, practical, earthy and material matters. Money is a societal convention. It is not the most important form of wealth at all. Our society is too focused on money money money.

I leave money out of the suit of pentacles— tho I do call it coins. The three of coins reminds us that one form of wealth is the skill necessary to accomplish a goal. Good planning and organization are necessary to succeed and to improve the quality of life. Learn well, work hard and stay on top of things. With a little luck thrown in the mix, you will succeed.

Now I need to tell that to myself and get a move on finishing this deck.

Three of Swords — La Corte dei Tarocchi

Artist: Anna Maria D'Onofrio

[I didn't really want to draw this card. I wanted the one above it, but this one fell out of the deck so I felt obliged to take it.]

The three of swords is

that normal-sort of heartbreak—

when you live and things hurt

because you are willing to feel them.

If you aren't willing to feel

nothing hurts

but that is not living.

It is very difficult to stay not-living

while walking on this earth.

Not even people-hating people are non-living.

People-hating people hurt and hate

and maybe live in heartache more

than you or I with broken hearts.

Zombie-people are the sort

who never draw the three of swords.

I do not know what sort of cards they draw—

they have no future and no past because

they are not present.

Maybe, soul-less, they draw the devil every time

and devils only devils.

Maybe I am wrong— perhaps

they draw threes of swords one after another—

threes and threes of swords that scream—

feel something! feel something!— but—

they cannot hear because

they are not present. Silence.

Zombie is a state of deep, near-death addiction

where times of lucidity are so few or never that

no light comes in and then there is no point

and then there is no living— real death—

beyond which there cannot be feeling like we feel—

feeling that makes us alive.

Feeling makes us alive. Be thankful and

be thankful for the three of swords.

13. The Journey — The Wildwood Tarot

Artist: Will Worthington
Authors: Mark Ryan & John Matthews

This card corresponds to the Death card in the Marseille Tarot.

"The first step is to ask the initial question," write the authors. "This is the most overlooked part of any divinatory system... the act of asking focuses the mind. The desired answer or even the real question itself may be buried so deep in our own subconscious that we need the help of Tarot to reflect our own unknowable truth."

The truth is, I have not been asking a question other than which card will it be? what will it show me? When I pull cards for this blog, I am not searching for insight. I merely seek the ability to understand the cards more thoroughly. But if I want to get a better answer, I have to ask a better question.

This deck has caught me unawares. The book is extremely well written. I do not just want to jump to the card and see what it means. I want to read the book, understand where the authors are coming from, and move from there. I am the sort who reads instruction books cover-to-cover. I hope my book will be so enticing to others.

From the book—
It is time to face the inevitable, to let the bones be laid bare and acknowledge the deepest aspects of your fears and desires. Do not fear change, because this is also a time of purification and realignment. This change may seem extreme and destructive, but old crops must be cleared for new growth to thrive and static or sterile modes and concepts must perish. A celebration of the past or an acknowledgement of the passing of  one part of life may be required. Let the threads of the old slip from your fingers with joyful remembrance and enter this time of withdrawal and renewal with patience and calm.

I had trouble calling my death card "finished" for a long time. I was trying to illustrate death as something that begins in childhood and grows with life. Death is there all along; it is nothing new. I drew people of three ages dancing with snakes that grew with them, both the snakes and the people enjoying life. Death enjoys life. Over and over, death enjoys life. Still, something was missing. That something was death itself, a fourth stage of life, like the four seasons of the year. When I added the skull, death became complete. I was not afraid that death was part of life; I was afraid that death was part of death.

Here is a celebration. Before the birth of my child, celebrate the death of my self: my selfish-self: my self who wanted to be only-self for so many years and had "too much to" do to be devoted to another self. I think it would be a good thing: to say good-bye thoroughly to what I no longer need, that I might greet with purity what I desire.

I am excited for this death and birth of life.

Find death at www.barefootfool.com.

Five of Cups — Tarot of the Absurd

Artist: Jessica Rose Shanahan

[This is my third five of cups in all my 14 days of one-card readings. What am I, depressed?]

Interpretation: Inability to see that, when the glass is half-empty, it is, indeed, half-full.

The man in the picture is glum. He is angry and disillusioned. He is sad for his loss and the imperfection of his life. He is sulking because all he can see is what is lost— the four spilled cups in front of him. If he would only look around— take a peek over his shoulder— he would see that all is not lost. One shining cup hovers behind him, floating in the air like an apparition! Do not give up hope! Look for the positive! To do so requires a change in attitude. To see the bright side of a seemingly dismal situation takes a change in point-of-view. Stand up, walk over, turn around. The present situation is unstable and needs to change. Regret is useless. Look and see— what is possible?

Click here to see most of the cards in this deck.

Female Knight of Staves — Cary-Yale Visconti Deck

Artist: unknown

Interpretation: upright: Confidence. Letters. Faithfulness. A friend of many years comes to visit. inverted: Lack of commitment. Gossip. Bad news. Disillusionment with an old friend.

I wonder who thought up this interpretation—

The main founding father of tarot occultism, Antoine Court de Géblin, was a "Protestant pastor, Freemason and savant (p 52)."* Court de Géblin was one of the founding fathers of the Plilalèthes, an esoteric cult who combined, it seems, most any en-vogue and occultist literature into their doctrine. He wrote innumerable unscientific articles and essays on the history of  civilization all the while demonstrating a disdain for serious evidence and rational thought.

In the early 1770s, Court de Géblin was introduced to the game of Tarots by a woman who was visiting Paris from "Germany or Switzerland." Within the course of fifteen minutes, he scanned the entire pack. He immediately declared it thoroughly Egyptian and announced that its secret knowledge had survived so long because the deck was disguised as an instrument of play instead of the antique book of wisdom it truly was. "He did not pretend to have derived his knowledge from any ancient tradition, orally transmitted... for long ages no one had suspected the truth until he himself had with his genius perceived it and uncovered it (p 58)."

Court de Géblin had grown up in Switzerland and thus had seen the cards as a child, but not since. The game of Tarots was, at the time, still popular in Switzerland and generally forgotten in France. This foreignness was an essential element in Court de Géblin's ability to spread his grandiose theories of the origin and significance of the tarot pack.

The deck that Court de Géblin saw in the woman's possession was one of 78 cards. It is important to note, as demonstrated with this 86-card Cary-Yale Visconti Deck, that not all decks used in the game of trumps had 78 cards. Decks and their suits and trumps were regionally consistent, but not internationally consistent. Whereas the number of cards is significant in contemporary "traditional" occult methods of divination, all that is important for game playing is that the players are familiar with the deck and agree on the rules.

The first professional cartomancer, Jean-Baptiste Alliette, or Etteilla as he was known, also used a 78-card pack. He "corrected" many of the trumps to show images we are more familiar with today. His numbering of trumps differed from the order used in play in the tarot of Marseille and contemporary occult tarot, and the meaning of the numeral cards has evolved significantly since his time. However, the number of cards in the occult tarot deck has remained consistent from Court de Géblin's "discovery" in the 1770s.

That is, until the mid 1990s with the addition of the Happy Squirrel Card in the Simpson's episode #19, Lisa's Wedding.

So, when Stuart Kaplan took to publishing facsimiles of antique tarot decks, who took on the task of assigning esoteric meaning to the additional eight cards in the Cary-Yale Visconti Deck? My guess is Stuart R. Kaplan himself, who has earned great recognition for his contributions to the occult tarot since the late sixties.

*R. Decker, T. Depaulis & M. Dummett A Wicked Pack of Cards, St. Martin's Press, 1996. History of the tarot deck & all quotes from this source.

Eight of Swords — Dragon Tarot

Artist: Peter Pracownik
Designer: Terry Donaldson

Interpretation: Little White Book missing

This is a deck my Mom picked up for me at a garage sale, hence the missing LWB. It is proof that I am willing to accept any deck into my collection, just to show the variety of tarot art out there. I am not a fan of dragons or fantasy, per se. In particular, I am not a fan of other peoples' fantasy. I admit, it happens that my seven of cups has a couple of dragons drinking tea on it: that's because the seven of cups is about fantasy.

The eight of swords is about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. It is about the feeling of being stuck without the complete actuality of being stuck. Sometimes there seem to be no options— or so many options it is impossible to chose. Some say it is best not to make any crucial decisions at this point. I say, there is one crucial decision that must be made at this point: how to get unstuck. Sometimes this means letting the mind go, accepting stuckness and going from there: "I am stuck, but what can I do?"  The dragon on this card looks slightly menacing. If I was to feel stuck and it was to say "BOO!" I would quickly feel unstuck— unless there was another, equally menacing dragon in the opposite direction.

Yesterday I wrote: "Stopping is getting stuck. The longer I stop for, the more thoroughly I will be stuck. I do not want to get stuck." Today I am back in Vermont. Thus, aside from a few bad habits, (excessive chocolate, lack of exercise) and unfortunate situations (unemployment), I no longer feel stuck. Not here. My imagination is too great for that: I am more likely to have too many options than too few. This merely leaves me feeling inept at making a decision, not stuck.

I LIE! I am stuck: I have yet to illustrate the kings. Instead, I spend inordinate hours browsing the internet, looking for independently published small-run 78-card tarot decks (contact me if you have one) and sometimes (too often? not often enough? too often for an unemployed pregnant person but not often enough for my liking?) purchasing them. I need to get unstuck. Bring me to your leader— MANIFEST YOUR KING!

Who is Jessica Rose Shanahan?

Justice — Deviant Moon Tarot

Artist: Patrick Valenza

Interpretation: "A great judge balances two swords as he presides over the city. Although seemly fair, corruption often creeps from the seams of a just society. Upright: Balance. Strong character. Fairness. Reversed: Abused. Taking sides. Bias."

I chose this deck because it is moody, like I am. I pulled justice upside-down. What is this— justice?

Justice is cold and unfeeling. Those who feel righteous when justice has been carried out are those who have not felt its sting. Those who feel wronged when justice is carried out are those who have been hit by the blade.

Justice is a search for the Truth. Justice is a decision as to what the Truth is. But what if there is no Truth? Certainly, some things seem more true than others, especially in the physical world. Many people insist that they know the Truth. But just as no two objects can be in the same place at the same time, is it really possible for two humans to have the same idea as to what is true and just? We all have different views and viewpoints. We have a myriad of multi-colored gods and eyes and each one speaks a different Truth.

It is impossible to get a group of diverse people to agree on what is fair and just. This is why we are supposed to have diverse juries: to decide what the majority of the people might be satisfied with in terms of justice. This is justice as distributed by humanity. Unfortunately, humanity is notoriously unjust, and it is quite difficult to get people to agree on a jury.

What is my justice today? What truth do I seek and what lies have I told myself? What decision do I need to make? Yesterday I spent most of the day sleeping: depressed. This seems to be happening periodically in my second trimester. It never lasts more than a day or two. I could blame it on pregnancy, seeing as how I have never felt like this before in my life. (Nor have my fingernails ever been so perfectly beautiful, but I am not complaining.) I need to make the decision to keep moving, to move forward, even when I cannot see where I am going and  I do not see the point. Stopping is getting stuck. The longer I stop for, the more thoroughly I will be stuck. I do not want to get stuck.

I made my very own tarot deck!

The Hermit — Kitty Kahane Tarot

Artist: Kitty Kahane
Booklet: Lilo Schwartz

Interpretation: "Follow your Star. // Be true to yourself and follow your own way. You alone know where your star is leading you, therefore do not let yourself be distracted by outside influences and well-meaning counsel..."

The hermit seems to have left the house in his bathrobe. Perhaps it is supposed to be an overcoat, but it looks fuzzy. So does his chin. May be he just got up out of bed, threw on a robe and went for a hike. Either way, no one is looking. He's got a start to light his way and a little birdie on his shoulder.

The hermit is the old-man-self. Incorporating more of the past into one's self allows us to understand what may come of the future. Knowing what may come of the future allows us to see where we are going, to allow time itself to become starlight that shows some roots and rocks in an otherwise shadowy path.

I am shy. I like the hermit. I have dreams that I keep hidden in fear of failure, or in fear that others will think them too strange. Perhaps sometimes my star's a bit dim, because I should have learned by now that the few people I allow to my hermitage do not judge me nearly so harshly as I judge myself.

I spend hours alone, reading or doing yoga or wandering around outside and thinking, just looking. I like to see how one thing connects to another— becomes another— is fully and completely inseparate from another. Eventually, nothing that I want to be important seems important at all, and I feel helpless in the face of what is truly important. Whatever that is. At this point, it's time I call a friend on the phone and talk pure silliness that certainly means nothing but is nonetheless quite crucial.

I am the hermit right now in Quebec. Martin is speaking French on the phone. His son refuses to accept that English might be a language of civilized people and suddenly insists he understands none of it: he doesn't want it spoken in the house. Outside it is raining or snowing something awfully wet. Down the street is a bike path that leads in one direction or the other but veers little and never forks. There are people on the path sometimes. If they spoke to me, I would not understand them. In the sprawling local suburbs there is one box-shaped store after another selling things that we are foolish enough to think might make us happy. A star is a very large, very heavy thing to carry. I want to go home so I can put the star on its shelf for a while and sleep in my own bed.

Page of Pentacles — The Lover's Tarot

[NOTE: Not that I'm doing deck reviews here, but I dislike it when some "artist" does a lot of (often poor) cutting and pasting from classical images and then doesn't tell us where the images are sourced. All 'ye artists out there: see Karen Mahoney & Alex Ukolov's excellent book for the Tarot of Prague for an example of beautifully sourced artwork.]

Artist: Oliver Burston
Book: Jane Lyle

Interpretation: upright: It is a joyful, happy card wherever it falls. Listen to your voice. Pay attention to your dreams. inverted: Something is not what it seems. Take time to assess the reality of a situation.


Generally, I look at every card upright. As Brian sang, while hanging on the cross, "Always look at the bright side of life— (ba-bum, ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum)—"  When I flipped the card over, my first thought was, "It's upside down."  Either way, it does makes sense to look at both sides at once. Thus: listen to your voice and take time to assess the reality of a situation.

Jane Lyle's book that comes with the deck is, as implied, skewed toward affairs of the heart. Her emphasis is on self-reflection and introspection, not divination. She asks us to ponder —does this card represent an individual? —yourself? —a situation or a relationship phase? —and says: "When describing an aspect of personality, it heralds an intuitive, creative phase, and has close links with the first stirrings of romantic love and desire."

If I am a romantic at heart, which I say I am when defining my heart, than all my love is romantic. As for desire— who is free from desire?

In this intuitive, creative phase heralded by pregnancy (intuitive because I haven't a clue what I am doing; creative because I'll be making everything up as I go along) there are many things that will need to change. The page of coins tells me to pay attention to what I need to do to manifest my dreams in the material world.
 
One simple change: Martin suggested we move to Quebec. (The more complex changes that come after having a child are currently incomprehensible to me, and thus outside the scope of my dreams.) After a long period of refusal, (too far from my family, I don't know the language, I'm sick of making new friends, too isolating, etc.) I am now in love (or perhaps it is lust) with the idea of moving: I have had a change of heart. This material change (relocation) will help me manifest my desire to learn French.

I am especially in love with the idea of Quebec City. What ecstasy to fall in love with an old city— with its arches and staircases— stone walls and churches— steeples— statues— parks and windows— doorways— curves and corners— O! deliciously sensual. I dream of wandering alone. Today I am off to initiate my love affair with Quebec City...

Have you seen the Tarot of the Absurd?

Nine of Coins — Tarots Oreste Zevola

Artist: Oreste Zevola

The little white book that comes with the deck is all written in French and says nothing of the minor arcana.

I had Martin draw this card, so it is for him, not me. He speaks French, so he and the deck should get along, one would think. Except, his initial reaction upon looking at the card was, "Ooh, scarry." It's not supposed to be scarry. It's just how the card looks, with what seems to be some horned zombie on the bottom with a lizard across its face and two dismembered arms and an upside-down, somewhat anatomically-correct heart. Or at least, this is what I see. No wonder this is not a terribly popular deck.

The artist's interests lie in design and primitive art with a slightly surrealist bent. This is the angle from which he approached his deck. He has little interest in the deck as an occult tool of divination. This should not stop us from using his cards as divination tools: the first decks were meant only for gaming, and yet it is from these decks that the whole system of esoteric divination was devised. And although he seems slightly interested in the cards as a game, his deck design precludes using it as such: the cards are so awkwardly long they are impossible to shuffle.

So I return to divination and the occult and whatnot. The nine of coins is about enjoying the good life and harvesting the fruit of one's labor. This is generally a pleasant card, I think, but that the small image on the bottom seems to show the harvest as one's own arms and heart. Maybe this is the harvest, as everything we are successful at producing is product of our arms and heart. And sometimes, maybe, the harvest seems painful and heartbreaking, because afterward we have to let it go. But when the fruits of our labor are properly harvested, we should retain our arms and heart that we might go on to use them another season.

As Martin said, "Ooh, scarry."
As I said, no wonder this is not a terribly popular deck.

Page of Cups — Tarot of the Absurd

Artist: Jessica Rose Shanahan

Interpretation: A dreamy youth or youthful dreaming. The surfacing and realization of emotions. Artful expression. Inspiration from the realm of the unconscious and the spirit. The beginning of a creative project or venture.

I think my dreams have always flown like books in the form of butterflies— or butterflies in the form of books. I am ever the youthful dreamer. The main purpose of this blog is to extract a storm of words from my brain in order that I might have enough material to write a book within a year and a half. Then I just have to edit everything and publish it somehow. So simple to say! So easy to dream! So challenging to do—

When I began this deck over a decade ago, I was using the tarot pack as form and framework for an illustration project for myself.  I saw the deck as a mythic tradition, similar to faerie tale or fable. For each card, I would use a certain number of traditional symbols to illustrate a given meaning. It was a dream, and the more I learned of the reality of the tarot deck— or the lack thereof— the more difficult my task became.

Even the simplest of things are inconsistent: the four suits are called by different names and people interpret the cards in ways that make sense to them. The mythology of tarot makes divination integral with multiple forms of divination and magic: the zodiac, kabbalah, the elements, alchemy, the divine name, etc. It has been said to come from the Gypsies via Egypt. It has been said to be a lot of things. Beautifully so, with just a little tweaking here and there, it can align with any system one chooses to align it with. Verifiable history, on the other hand, is another matter. Truth is often the destroyer of dreams.

I am currently reading A Wicked Pack of Cards by R. Decker, T. Depaulis & M. Dummett. It is an excellent account of the history of tarot as a playing pack and how it came to be transformed into a popular method of divination. Although some people prefer to know only some mythology and are satisfied to call it truth, I prefer to see how mythology interweaves with history and realize that neither is complete without the other. I believe that learning names and dates of history does not destroy the tarot as a tool of divination— though some may have no interest in such stuff— either one or the other.

I am the dreamer of my own mythology. I do not see differing mythologies as systems that must necessarily be in conflict. Hindu Mythology, Greek Mythology, Judeo-Christian Mythology, Zodiac Mythology, Egyptian Mythology and Evolutionary Mythology can all live in peace with one another, if we choose to be peaceful people. There is no need to wage wars. We just need to agree that every truth is also a mythology, and each mythology a truth. What a beautiful dream that would be!

See all the cards in the deck at www.barefootfool.com.

Five of Wands — Bruegel Tarot

Artist: Guido Zibordi Marchesi

Interpretation: "Ambition. Those who rise too high often fall (It's easier for those who rise too much to fall)."

I learned fives as cards of conflict. While working on my own deck, Tarot of the Absurd, I have illustrated the cards in mostly random order, depending on which card I am able to embody next. The first card I illustrated was the star, back near the end of the last millennium when I thought I was doing a majors only deck and knew nothing much about tarot. The fives are some of the last cards I have illustrated. The fact that I had such issues illustrating fives shows I have problems with conflict.

I am my own fiercest competitor, my harshest judge, the first one to notice when I have climbed too high and fallen. The battle of the five of wands weaves itself in and out my mind and my environs. It is a clownish battle. The one who cares most about the result is my self. None of this is fun. My conflict is not fun. I wanted to illustrate the fun cards first.

The cards in this deck are strewn with symbols that are truly occult, from the Latin word occultus: clandestine, hidden, secret. They are occult because the artist chose not to publish a book pointing out the meaning of all the hidden symbols in his work. Curses upon him! This leaves it up to us, the readers, to divine what his symbols mean.

Ultimately, symbols in a work of art take on the meaning that the we, the viewers, give them. If we are unable to relate to anything in an image (or a story or a poem or a life), we pass it by. If some one tells us, "Look at this— look at this—" we are more likely to stop and look and relate and say, "I see!"

Dare I ask— Am I the woman in the green dress: about to step on a rake and smack my head? Have I fallen off a mountain? Am I climbing a tree with a cudgel too large in pursuit of an animal that has already fled?

In the end, we are all peasants, common people wielding the tools of our trade in argument. If any of our weapons should break, we will be unable to work. What are we arguing about? Is anyone listening to anyone else? Are we even listening to our selves?

Who am I?

Five of Swords — Tarot of a Moon Garden

Artist: Karen Marie Sweikhardt

Interpretation: "Divinatory Meanings: Conquest. Defeat. Destruction of others. Degradation. Adversary may arise. Revocation. Infamy. Dishonor. Reverse meanings: Uncertain outlook. Chance of loss or defeat. Weakness. Possible misfortune befalling a friend."

I've got a cold. Invading armies of germs see my immune system is down and break through the weakened fortress, multiplying by the billions. I defend with copious amounts of snot. My throat is raw. My head aches. Perhaps I will try to burn them out with fever.

In the Tarot of a Moon Garden, swords are represented by the dragonfly's abdomen. When mating, male dragonflies embrace females with spiny claspers in a vise-like grip that often leaves the female with gouged eyes, a punctured exoskeleton, and a split head. A male dragonfly uses his spoon-like and sometimes spiky penis not just to transfer sperm to the female, but also to scrape out rival sperm from previous matings. Sexual conquest at its finest.

Every conquest involves a defeat. Sometimes it is difficult to ascertain whether I am the one with a hollow victory or the defeated person or the one who gave up preemptively. This card may mean any of those, depending on the situation and how one chooses to view it.

My situation: I am in Quebec— my boyfriend's other home— where everyone speaks French and I can say "Je ne comprends pas," but I don't need to, because it's obvious I don't understand. His son is 10 and, aside from having the normal why-does-Papa-have-to-bring-his-girlfriend response to my visits, he also gets to be especially annoyed that I am a complete idiot in French.

In any good relationship, there is no grand conquest or defeat, just a thousand little things we have to put up with in each other. If any of us choose to battle, there will be victory and there will be defeat and there will be degradation and there will be adversary. We choose when to battle and when to avoid conflict. Perhaps the five of swords can be a reminder to remain peaceful.

Five of Cups — Napo Tarot

Artist: Napo
Author: Betty Lopez

Interpretation: "Frustration prevents one from seeing the cups brimming with happiness. The three amphoras pour out illusions and bring dejection and melancholy. Disillusionment. Disappointment."

An amphora is a wheel-thrown terracotta container used to store liquid. If these amphoras are pouring out illusions, he must have thought his cargo was more precious than he found it to be upon spilling. Or perhaps it was very precious liquid indeed, and he was under the impression he would be able to manage it without spilling.

I just drew a five of cups two days ago. Am I disappointed and frustrated, as this card suggests? (possibly) Am I lying by not letting on how disappointed and frustrated I actually am? (possibly)

I thought I was going to be able to work through most of this pregnancy, but about a month and a half ago I got fired for pregnancy-induced-moodiness. Plus, my boss was an unappreciative jerk. I thought I was going to be able to be more active than I am, but five days ago I woke up with a pain in my neck so acute I went to see a chiropractor for the first time in my life. So, yeah, I'm frustrated and disappointed, but I don't think my illusions were that great. Not most of them. The illusion that the chiropractor might actually help was briefly large and wonderful. But nothing truly terrible and irredeemable has happened to me. Despite some long hours spent dwelling in the pits of despair, it's actually been quite good. I think it is important to spend a moment (but not too many moments) looking at what is lost before picking up and moving on. Things that are truly lost cannot be had again.

The act of loosing something is an act of presence. Once something is lost, the thing lost is in the past and the present has moved to another moment. It is important to keep up with the present— not in terms of the cut of our jeans or the operating system on our computers— but with our minds. If our minds are constantly elsewhere, then nothing will ever happen in the present. Nothing as good as what did happen or what could happen can happen now if the mind is not present.

Look at what spilled. Turn around. Look at what remains. Take this. Move on.

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The Star — Tarot Lukumi

Artist: Luigi Scapini
Author: Emanuele Coltro Guidi

Interpretation: "The stars are so far that they don't listen to anyone. The path (avatar) of Yemaya, Yoruban Goddess of the sea, called Asesu is a deaf Entity. Yemaya Asesu goes on with her business and doesn't listen to much. The patiki tell us that before listening to questions she counts all the feathers of a duck who was sacrificed as ebbo to her."

Part of the purpose of the Tarot Lukumi deck is to build a bridge between the world of Cuban Santera (Relga de Ocha or Relga Lukumi) and the occult tarot to demonstrate universality of the rules of Magic. I am especially fond of this purpose.

Throughout the history of the occult tarot, different readers have used their preferred method of magic to divine meaning from the cards: Astrology, Kabbalah, Masonic Hermetism, Jungian psychology, and so on. In order to find meaning in a foreign system, one must find the correspondences with an understood system. This is the basis of syncretism. It is also the basis of learning to love one's neighbor as one's self.

Santeria is an anamistic religion coming from the syncretism of the religion of the west-African Yoruban tribes people and Catholicism. Following their abduction to the Indies for the purpose of slavery, Spanish law mandated that these people be baptized Roman Catholic. But Catholicism was not a big hit among the slaves. [If someone abducted me from my homeland; placed me on a ship in a manner similar to which I do not approve of cattle being treated; left me there for weeks with minimal life support on a nauseating ocean voyage; separated me from my family & sold my children & subjected me to a life of forced labor I, too, would have trouble accepting their notions of god.] In attempt to appease their tormentors, many slaves pretended they were Catholic. Thus began the syncretism of Yoruba and Catholicism into Santeria.

The Star, in this image, is pictured as a mermaid sitting on a sandbar pouring water from two conch shells into the sea. Behind her is the sacrificial duck whose feathers she counts before listening to questions. In the sky are seven stars.

I learned the star as a card of hope, and when I think of hope, I think of Pandora. In Greek mythology, Prometheus, champion of mankind and traitor to the gods, stole fire from heaven. Zeus punished Prometheus by binding him to a rock. A great eagle ate his liver every day; the liver grew back and was eaten again the next.

The gods, still bitter that Prometheus had given the gift of fire to man, then took vengeance on humankind by means of Pandora, the first mortal woman. Pandora was endowed with every gift known to women: beauty, grace and desire from Aphrodite; cunning and boldness from Hermes; gardening from Demeter; manual dexterity and spinning from Athena; sweet singing and lyre playing from Apollo; and a pearl necklace from the god of the sea who promised she would never drown.

The gods then placed every plague and sorrow into one jar and presented the jar to Pandora with the instructions do not open under any circumstance. Pandora was then presented as a gift to Prometheus' brother.

So of course Pandora, endowed with an ample amount of curiosity, opened the jar. Out poured Death, Sickness, Insanity, Pestilence, Addiction, Greed, Theft, Lies, Jealousy and Famine and on and on until all the evils were loosed upon the earth. Then out the bottom, just before she managed to slam the lid, flew Hope. It is Hope that sustains humanity.

Anyone who calls on a deaf goddess who counts all the feathers of a duck before listening to a question really has run out of places to turn for help. It is when we feel most alone and lost that we need to call on hope the most.

Shining, shining in the basket's bottom,
a jewel of hope lies beneath
the monsters of destruction.

Five of Cups — Tarot Piatnik Wien

[NOTE: I apologize in advance if these next few months turn out to be a blog of my pregnancy as revealed through the tarot deck, but we pregnant woman seem to be preoccupied with our own pregnancies.]

Artist: Rudolph Pointer

The interpretive book for this deck (a little white booklet commonly called the LWB) says very little about the individual cards, especially the minors. It has a something to say on cups in general, tho:

"When we have treated the Swords as a symbol of masculinity, it suggests itself to consider the cups decidedly as of a feminine character. The cup, the jug or the goblet are seen as receptacles, for receiving and holding. Often are they associated with feeling and emotion. The emptying of the two jugs on card No. XVII of the major Arcana [The Stars] means nothing else but the detachment from all sentimental bonds. // The cup as it contains fluids logically is matched with the element of water, and its celestial region is the north. // From the religious viewpoint the cup is often identified with the symbolic goblet held by Christ, or with the Holy Grail, the vessel containing Christ's blood."

Under divinatory meanings, this LWB says of this card upright, simply, "respect gained." Reversed, "Unpopularity." I am reading upright. I generally read the 5 of Cups as a period of change, where one need take special care to pay attention not only to the negative qualities, as can be easy, but to the positive aspects of the situation. Paying attention to the positive aspects during difficult time of change gains respect.

The greatest change going on in my life is that I am busy gestating. I put this off for so long (I'm 38!) because before, I could only focus on the negative aspects of having a child. There was a lot I wanted to do. I worked as little as possible and kept my bills low.

I traveled around Central America. I spent a year bicycling around the country. I traveled to the high arctic. I swam for hours on end out in the open ocean. I did things to see what it was like to do them and went to extremes. I played. And the beauties that I saw were incomparable.

At age 28 I decided I needed a profession. I learned to climb trees and became an excellent arborist: a good game. Still, I lived simply, somewhat selfishly, and generally alone.

Eventually I realized I needed to practice commitment. At age 36 I "bought" a house. [note: I will actually own the house at age 66.] A year later, I decided to fall in love and found a suitable candidate. A year later he moved in and I came down with sudden-onset-baby-desire syndrome. I realized, in the most honest sense of the word, I had nothing better to do. Having a child was the best thing. I have left behind the things I used to think were better.

I am surprised to gain respect from my friends who have children. My women-friends are wonderful mothers. I've always looked at them and their devotion to their children and thought, "I could never do that." Now I am ready to try.

Female-self as vessel. Womanly respect gained. Ever-child self and endless child-wonders left behind. Embody motherhood.

Ace of Cups — The Fantasy Showcase Tarot

[NOTE: Although I've had this deck for a number of years, I've always been afraid to shuffle it in fear that I would thereafter never be able to tell what many of the cards are. Now it's shuffled.]

Artist: C. Lee Healey

Interpretation: "Great love; fertility; bounty; productiveness."

Ace of cups. To be full of love. The greatest love one can offer out is true love of one's self. How can one truly love others if one does not love one's self?

I am pregnant by means of love, showing my fertility, the bounty of which should be a child in another four months' time, demonstrating my (re)productiveness. In order to best love my child, I need to act with love toward myself.

Last night I dreamed I was a fuzzy little winged-creature of the soaring (not flapping) type. I was clinging to the edge of a precipice with a strong updraft. I wondered, if I spread my wings and leapt and soared just right, could I go outward, round a small promontory in the cliff face, and land once more clinging to the vertical stone on the other side? My friends encouraged me. I leapt and plummeted down, down, with the cliff face shooting up before me as I fell faster and faster, the wind whipping through my wings at breakneck speed and the darkness ever deepening. It was a significant moment before I realized I needed to learn to flap if I was ever going to return to the cliff. I flapped as hard as I could, my body seeming heavier each moment, my forward movement barely negligible, my downward movement reaching terminal velocity.

Thus was the dream.

What impressed me about the dream is that I didn't panic. Panicking would have been a waste of time. I thought only for a moment that, by the time I returned to the cliff face, I would have to climb upwards thousands of feet out of the darkness. There is no point in worrying about the scarcity of handholds or the integrity of the rock or the height of a climb on a cliff face I might never reach.

Moral: Take care of the present, and the future will take care of itself.

Tarot of the Absurd

The goals of this blog are to create a daily entry about a one-card tarot reading in order to facilitate the writing of a book at the end of 78 weeks' time.

Six days a week I will read a card from a different tarot deck. One day a week I will pick a random card from my deck and write about that.

(Unless I don't.)

For the purpose of this blog I have chosen four suits,  corresponding to the suits as I have named them for my deck. Other names are as follows:
cups— AKA— hearts
coins— AKA— pentacles, diamonds
sticks— AKA— staves, wands, clubs, rods, batons
blades—AKA— swords, spades

find my website at

www.barefootfool.com